Monday, October 25, 2010

THIS IS NOT A JOKE! YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED!

WHO CREATES THESE POP UP ADS?!

You know them.
Just when you think your computer has stumbled across the greatest free porn Church Potluck Recipe website ever, suddenly....LAAAAGGG.....
"What?"...
"Oh god..Nobluescreenofdeathpleasenobluescreenofdeadggaaaaahhhddd!!!"
"Ah crap. The ad has to load."
Yup.
This and many other annoyances, not only contributing to the A.D.D culture of the '00's, but cloging up our servers with rediculously hidious-looking spamalot!
They get worse and worse the dirtier the website is.
For instance................Okay, I'll save some time and your innocent little imaginations. Look 'em up!

The often downright outdated references at pop cultured themes make these ads something to almost keep a record book of.
I swear it's the same guy somewhere in Thailand or Argentina making the breast and penis enlargement ads as is the ads for free banking.
"Well, if your bank did have it's ways of putting a little more funk in the junk, if you know what I mean, then I have no choice but to open a free* chequing account!"
*By Free I mean not and by not I mean I'd rather wax my genitals with sand paper and gasoline than have to deal with another bank trip!

Long retired are the ads blatantly selling out celebrities. I think it has something to do with weight gain..
Now, we need younger, sexier, 'average' people, who simply want to enlarge certain body parts for the purpose of inflating their somewhat already devoured-and-spit out self esteem.
We also need more rainboots.
LORD HAVE MERCY, WE NEED RAINBOOTS!
(Speaking from a person living in Vancouver Canada in October....Yes. We do.)

So if you're dying to be the 40000th visitor on some Brazillian Rubber website opting to win an Ipad.....Go right ahead! Click the little slow moving target and enter your credit card number!
Four months and nine hundred credit statements later, I'll see you at the bank.
Bring Matches.

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