Thursday, October 7, 2010

Meh thoughts

Having depression sucks.
All those fools out there think it's crying all day. It isnt.
It's not giving a damn about anything.
The wonderful things in life you just KNOW are out there, but really cant feel excited for.
Thanksgiving, Halloween, Friends..I'm so lucky to have these.
So why do I feel so empty and tired?
I'm understimulated at work.
People say: You need a hobby. You need therapy. You need drugs. You need new friends.
I dont 'need' anything. Fundamentally, things do not exist.
There's a deeper truth and meaning to it all.
Halloween was special because I got to dress up and eat a ton of crap.
Thanksgiving was cool cause Mom used to make something good, like cheesecake, back when she did things.
Now, I have no family.
I have friends, and to tell you the truth, Thanksgiving with my family always turned out horribly violent every year.

I just miss being excited for anything.
I miss feeling emotions like a human being.

Its not so bad that I have a roof over my head and food. Those parts are good.
But..Hell...Sometimes, I wish I had some kind of a soul.

1 comment:

  1. It does suck. I think each and every part of depression does, there's no part of it that's better than any other. The numbness, the tiredness, the lethargy, the anger & sadness, the hollow ache from the inside. It all just sucks, I agree with you there. I hope that you feel something soon. For me in my younger years when there seemed to be more depression than there was of my 'normal' state, it was those small glimpses of something else that made me bide my time. I looked forward to feeling, even if it was only for a day before the clouds came in again.