Monday, September 13, 2010

Never Enough

I always secretly feel really lame that I'm the one not drinking or toking at any party/social function.
I mean, it's totally my choice: Live up and pay up.
I know it works out in the long run: More self control, slowly gaining my life back, never hung over, never making a giant ass out of myself...The pros totally outweigh the cons.
Recently though, I've been to a few outings where I've felt a bit disconnected from everyone else.
I guess it's my own doing, seeing at how you're only as happy as you want to be happy...
I guess I'm just on a different wave length than everyone else.
Dont get me wrong: Being dry has totally saved me in situations as well....*coughDrunkMagicianscough!*
I mean, because of being the quickest (well, relatively) thinker in some situations with some people, I have prevented some fires. (Literally).
I mean, I know people who've almost gotten themselves seriously injured while drunk....and being in a room with a stoner when you're not baked is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Sometimes, that's literally what you end up doing all night anyway. Only they enjoy it.
I'm not gettin all preachy or anything about the dangers of alcohol...
Everyone already knows that.
I guess I just feel like how I did when I was the oldest kid in Kindergarten.
I knew Santa wasnt real, and even if I pretended and went along with the excitement of the other kids, I knew deep down that it was all an over-rated sham.
Meh. I'm being moody.

I still have lovely friendships I am greatful for; I just really dont appreciate how everyone keeps telling me I'm a 'good girl' all while chugging their beers/wines.
I guess I can compare the feeling I get to someone on a diet in a room full of people eating cheesecake.
You think "Oh hell....Everyone's eating it! May as well have a slice!"
Thats when you remember that nobody in their right mind ever has just one slice of cheesecake.
Alcohol and Drugs are the same way.
"One Drink is too many, and a thousand is never enough".

The deeper subtext I feel is that I'm the only one I know, who is willing to admit I am struggling with an addiction. So far, I'm winning. But it just keeps going on. It's a simple fact. Nobody I know has (or is willing to admit) an addiction. I feel as if there's some kind of stigma placed on me as 'the chick who cant drink'.
Same thing with being Vegan and Diabetic.
Cant have this. Cant have that. Blahblahblah. I know that if I throw it all away, it's gonna bite me in the ass though. (I'm just being whiny...)
Thank god for the Virgin Margaritas at the Mexican restaurant tonight!
A friend of mine from school, Stacy, turns Twenty One today! YAY! MEXICAN FOOD!
Complete with a sombraro, guacamole, and of course, a thousand things with cheese.
I ordered the guacamole. Really the only thing I could eat. I dont mind though. I love the shit.
I'm glad I got to sit and eat my favorite food with good friends.
Happy Birthday Stacy!

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